it has been years
so why haven’t i let go
of the past
of you
of us
it has been years
and seeing you still hurts
why didn’t you say hello
ever again?
why do i still have hope?
it is killing me
i want to forget
teach me how
it was so easy for you
i’ve been thinking a lot about all the people that have left. and how every single time, it has been my fault. why wasn’t i more interesting? why wasn’t i good enough? why is it so hard for me to communicate? maybe they would have stayed if i weren’t so very me. what is so wrong with me that everyone leaves?
i was awake at three a.m. with all of my thoughts, and i wrote a poem for the first person who broke my heart. her name is lauren and she was my best friend, the first friend i ever made. i have lots to say about her, but that will be saved for another post. i’ll sort through all my memories of the two of us, even though they feel like thorny vines growing over my heart, and whip up something nostalgic.
so there you have it. my first attempt at poetry in a long while (and a hint of the pain that i’ve been ignoring for years. i think it’s time for me to address it.). i’ve written a few more poems since then, and i think they’re much better than this one. but i still felt like this was important, even if it’s not very good.
xo apollo
Hey, I’m really sorry about Lauren. You’re an amazingly talented person, and I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. I happen to think you’re a very interesting person. :)
…WE ALWAYS SAY THAT WE’LL KEEP IN TOUCH
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it’s alright, it was a long time ago. and thank you so much. you’re incredibly interesting, as well. :)
NOBODY DOES, BUT IT DONT MATTER MUCH.
xo loren
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Well, time doesn’t always mean people stop hurting.
Aw, thanks.
ONE LAST CALL AT THE CORNER STORE
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night’s on ice if we don’t scoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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*applause* Whooaaaa. That’s really good, Loren. It feels so… real. Can’t wait to see more poetry. :D
-Clara <3
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thank you so much, clara. i hope you like my other poems, too. :)
xo loren
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I will never leave you and there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. It’s something wrong with them. They leave because they can’t handle being friends with someone so amazing. I love you so so much and I will never leave you. I’m always here for you i promise. (Your poetry is amazing btw)
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thanks, b. but there wasn’t anything wrong with lauren.
i’m glad you like the poem.
xo loren
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People leave….because its their time to go, not because you wushed it so. Those that come in, when they do, will bring you the realisations of why those who left had already played their roles.
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thank you. i’m sure you’re right.
xo loren
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just another perspective, loren… :)
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Amazing poem!!! I’m very sorry about Lauren. No matter what you’ll always be good enough. Whatever drew you guys apart was not your fault. Anyone leaving is never your fault, no matter what you feel. I’ll always be here to talk, too. I love how amazing you are Loren, and I encourage you to keep inspiring the world no matter how you feel. 💕
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thanks, anika, that means a lot. ♥
xo loren
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-hugs- Your words are beautiful, and I echo everyone here when I say that it’s not you that is the problem. <3
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thank you so much. ♥
xo loren
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Ok, that was amazing. People will come and go but you should never ever believe it is your fault. It is their fault for stop being friends with the wonderful you. You should do more poetry, you’re really good at it!
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thanks, nabila. i’ll be posting more poetry soon, because i realized how much i enjoy writing it.
xo loren
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Reblogged this on Beautifully Blemished and commented:
I have so many memories like the one Loren shared. So many people hurt me by leaving me alone. Was it me? If I wasn’t so me would they stay? This post, beautifully written by Loren, perfectly describes my friend life.
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thanks for sharing this. ♥
xo loren
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This is beautiful, Loren. I am feeling my best friend slip away from me every year we spend away from each other. She is coming to visit today, and I hope we can mend our friendship.
Sometimes friendships can hurt as much as they heal.
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thank you. i’m really sorry about your friend; that’s how it felt with lauren, too. i hope things were ok when she visited you.
xo loren
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i’m always awake at 3 a.m. with my bipolar youre not alone there.
i used to have a friend, her name was melanie, and she was my best friend in second grade (before i became trans) and then we both got bullied so she “gave up” on me. i cried for a solid two hours after school that day xD
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yeah, being kept awake at 3 a.m. by your thoughts is a ton of fun, am i right?
she sounds like a pretty crappy friend, tbh. i remember how hard it was not to cry every time i saw lauren at church.
xo loren
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broken hearts.
you’re not alone in this, Loren. just recently, a really important person in my life left and it still kills me.
and i know that situations like this can make you feel like you’re not good enough for people. because i feel the same way.
but..it’s not your fault. i think these things happen for a reason. every person that is put into our stories is put there purposely, and the same goes for when they’re taken out.
and i hate it. because it hurts so bad when people leave. and it can tear you apart.
but i’ve also realized that often when someone really important leaves, another arrives.
i don’t know if that person has already been written into your story, but i know they will be if they haven’t yet.
so for now, focus on the good thoughts and what is yet to come.
you’re amazing, and you are worth it :))
☾☼
xenoloser
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i’m really sorry about your friend. i know how much it hurts, like there’s something missing and that part of you will never feel whole again. but, “time can never break your heart, but it’ll take the pain away.”
about a year after lauren left, i met kelsie. and i think she’s the really important person who was written into my story.
thank you so much, this really means a lot to me.
xo loren
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i am too. and that’s exactly how it feels. but i love that line.
i’m really glad you met kelsie. she’s a super amazing person.
and of course :))
☾☼
xenoloser
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I can totally relate. I often have the same thoughts. Xoxo
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just know that it’s not your fault, even if it feels like it. i’m trying to believe that, and you should, too.
xo loren
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Aw, thanks. Yeah, true.
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I loved this so much. ❤️
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thank you. :)
xo loren
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I think that you’re very interesting. I love you and I’ll never leave you. :)
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i love you, too. :)
(i was just writing something about you.)
xo loren
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I’d love to read it sometime :)
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it’s currently four pages of depressing memories and guilt, but it’s important, and i’ll probably ask you to read it at some point.
xo loren
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Aww, Loren! Always be yourself because if your friends can’t love you for who you are, they don’t deserve you. <3
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well, she did love me at one point, that’s the sad thing. but thank you. ♥
xo loren
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