what my first year of public school was like

my last day of school was on friday and i could not be more excited for summer break!

my schooling has been all over the place the last few years. i was homeschooled up until the 2017-2018 school year, when i started going to public school as a part-time student (i took two classes every other day). that was sort of my “transition year,” i suppose, because this time around i was a regular student.

i know a lot of my readers are homeschooled, so i thought it might be interesting for you guys to get an ex-homeschooler’s perspective on public school.

how many classes do you take and what are they?

eight classes, and those are percussion I, algebra, world geography, english, earth science adv., p.e., spanish II, and biology. i was in theatre at the beginning of the year, but i switched out of that because the other kids were just really bizarre.

my bio teacher likes my art :)

what is your favorite class?

biology! earth/physical science has never really made much sense to me, but for some reason bio just clicks. all the different equations, complex cycles, and concepts come to me extraordinarily easily. i passed my final exam with an advanced score. i love it so much that i signed up for bio II honors next year, so wish me luck with that!

what subject do you hate the most and why?

gym, mostly because my teacher and i don’t get along very well — and also because, well, it’s gym class. my teacher swears a lot, told us that the football players are the smartest kids in the school, and also seems to get annoyed at me a lot for no reason. apparently he threatened to fail me because i had been missing his class a lot, but i only wasn’t there because i was sick and then had a bunch of orthodontist/dentist/doctor appointments in a row.

who is your favorite teacher and why?

my percussion teacher! he’s my favorite because he’s so chill, has helped me through a rough situation, let’s us play mario kart during class, and also because i’ve spent the most time around him. he’s the band director, so i spent last august through november having him yell things at my section during rehearsal. :)

are you in any clubs?

just the drama club, but we don’t really do that much. i also went to a minority student union meeting one time, but it’s not technically a club. we were planning a handprint mural that day.

front ensemble/pit practicing salutes for senior night

which clique/group are you in?

i’m with the band kids. i play in pep band, take a percussion class, almost exclusively hang out with other band kids, etc. and yes, i do make music puns and tell stories about band camp.

i’ve also spent a lot of time with theatre kids and soccer players, but i’m not as close with them.

describe what you wear to school/your uniform.

i normally wear jeans with one of my friend’s flannels open over a plain shirt. it’s really comfortable and fits the grunge aesthetic, which is one of my personal favorites.

during soccer season, my team would dress up whenever we had a home game, so on those days i would typically wear a black button up dress.

have you ever ditched school?

i don’t think so? i mean, sure, there are days when my mom lets me stay home for no reason, but i don’t think that really counts as ditching.

none of these memes will make sense to any of you, but trust me, my school loves them with a passion.

what is the craziest thing that has happened at school?

there was a fire in the kitchen in march! my mom drove my brother and i to school that morning and there were a bunch of firetrucks and students milling around outside or sitting in their cars. no one really knew what to do, since all the fire drills we’d done involved us being inside the building when the fire started. so after awhile, administration herded everyone into the small gym, which branches off from the rest of the building and is far enough away from the fire that it was safe to be in there.

so that was an interesting day, and right after the fire, all these instagram accounts with memes about our principal started popping up. the three main topics for memes are the fire, our principal’s war against juuls, and the phone jails.

what do you like the most about your school?

i like the library, the principal’s youtube channel (he has twenty-eight followers), the rick astley photo on the auditorium ceiling, and, of course, marching band and soccer.

what do you hate the most about your school?

people (some of which i’ve never even met) were spreading sexual rumors about me all year. also, sophomore boys at my school are the worst.

what’s your best advice on surviving high school?

pick the classes that you want. don’t base your schedule around what classes your friends are taking. if parents/guardians are pushing you to take classes that you don’t think you can handle, then don’t take them. and if you sign up for a class and later decide that it’s really not for you, transfer out of it if you can. there’s no reason to force yourself to suffer through a class simply because someone else thinks you should take it.

also, don’t take things too seriously; it’s ok to eat lunch by yourself; and please please please allow yourself to take a day or two off if you feel yourself getting too stressed and overwhelmed.

do you participate in any after school activities?

i participated in a lot of activities this year — one for each season, in fact. i did marching band in the fall (i was part of front ensemble), stage crew for musical in the winter, and played soccer in the spring. that meant that for most of the year, i was staying after school until five or six in the evening for practices. all those activities + getting used to public school + homework = a very, very tired girl.

however, i did really enjoy participating in after school activities (some more than others, but still)! the only reason i’m not switching back to being homeschooled next year is because i want to have the opportunity to do those types of extracurricular activities.

read my post about the musical here!

read about this year’s soccer season here!

i haven’t posted anything specifically about marching band, but here’s a cool photo from one of our competitions.

also, there was an award ceremony at the end of the year, and i won two awards! i thought for sure that i was going to get one for science, because that’s the subject that i’m best at, but algebra and spanish II works, too.

what’s funny to me is that i received an award for excellence in mathematics, but i almost failed my algebra exam the day before the ceremony.

i feel like that sums up my first year at public school pretty well. transitioning from homeschool to high school has been really rough, and i don’t think i’ll ever truly get the hang of it, but it has gotten somewhat easier.

i’ve been keeping track of things in my head that are unique to public school, things that seem mundane and probably aren’t noticed by those who have been in the school system their whole life (things like gum and what they post on social media and speech patterns). it’s really interesting to have a foot in both camps, and while i am not enjoying my time in high school, i’m grateful for the insight.

xo apollo

behind the blogger book tag

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hey guys! i was recently nominated for a tag by genna. she’s a blogger who’s just getting started, and she’s an astounding writer whose posts are always so heartfelt. make sure to check out her site, genna creedon.

| rules |

-thank the person who nominated you
-answer all the questions
-pingback to the creator: ellyn@allonsythornaxx
-nominate 5+ bloggers to do this challenge

| questions |

1) why did you start blogging and why have you kept blogging?

i started blogging in 2014 on a different site about my american girl dolls. it introduced me to a lot of sweet bloggers who i’m still friends with. i kept blogging because of the joy of sharing something i created with others.

2) what is your favorite type of blog post to write?

i really enjoy writing travel diaries because they let me relive my adventures! i feel like i’ve been to some pretty neat locations in my life (point pleasant, fairy stone state park, longwood gardens, etc.) and i want to share these unique places with you all.

3) what are your top three favorite blog posts?

i don’t know if these are my all time favorites, but a few off the top of my head are you look like hell | 7.20.18, a love letter for the boy with the birdsong laugh, and greenhouse, maybe? they’re all deeply personal and sort of poetic, i hope.

4) what are some of your favorite things to do to relax?

cooking, watching cartoons (i just finished the series hilda — it’s super cute & reminded me of gravity falls), and sitting outside in the sun with a book.

5) what are your three favorite things?

1) the way i feel warming up for a soccer game, in my blue uniform and cleats, with loud music blaring and the sun on my arms.


2) the playlists i make when i simply cannot get someone out of my head. each one tells a story that i wish i could put into words: discovery and companionship and hands intertwined in the shadows. sometimes i listen to them and write love notes that will never make it into the right hands.

3) not quite a thing, but a place: the summer camp that i’ve spent the last three augusts at. i’m sure everyone is sick of me talking about it, but it is easily my favorite place on earth and i applied to work there at handicraft this summer!

6) what are your proudest blogging moments?

reaching 1000 followers, which happened early this year, is definitely the big one!! i know 1k isn’t a huge deal, but for such a small blogger who posts random personal stuff, i was kind of shocked (and still am, honestly).

my bff & i at scout camp

7) what are your hobbies outside of blogging?

soccer has always been a huge part of my life. i’m talking two seasons a year since i was six. but now that i’m playing for my school, it’s an even bigger deal for me. the whole team was crying during our last game; it was only a week or two ago but i already miss soccer so much.

besides sports, i really love scouting and writing poetry (both of which i blog about sometimes!).

8) describe your personality in three words.

intuitive — i don’t even know how many times a day i say, “i just know.” and it’s true, i get gut feelings all the time and they almost always turn out to be correct.

loyal — there are four people that i can think of that i will be loyal to forever, no matter how they change or what they do or how long it’s been since we’ve spoken. i have deep bonds with them forged through hard experiences and i would genuinely do anything to help them.

i’m not sure if there’s actually a word for this, but it would be somewhere between escapist and romanticist. in my head, i make everything more meaningful and beautiful than it really is, probably in an effort to forget that i’m just not happy with my life. simple events like a walk at twilight or browsing poetry in the library become burdened with sentimentality as i struggle to make something that matters.

9) what are your top three pet peeves?

1) when people continue to flirt with me even when they know i’m not interested. 2) group projects, because i always end up doing all the work in my strive for perfection. 3) getting in trouble for stuff i didn’t do, which  happens constantly and is so frustrating.

| nominees |

tess @ steeplechase
brooke @ itsbrookejade
nabila @ hot town cool girl
xofrnk @ nothing rhymes with circus
nika @ curious millennial

hope you guys enjoyed! i am actually the worst at remembering to do tags, so i’m kind of proud of myself for finally posting one.

also, sorry for the huge gaps between posts lately! i’ve been working on exams and final projects for school, and i just haven’t had any time to post, despite having lots of ideas. i only have two more tests (the bio test is tomorrow . . . wish me luck), and then i should have some more free time to work on posts before i leave for camp for the summer.

xo apollo

awesome blogger award


mckenna nominated me for the awesome blogger award a few months ago, and i’m just now getting around to it. (i’m not a very punctual person.) thanks, mckenna!

the awesome blogger award was originally created by maggie @dreaming of guatemala . this is an award for the absolutely wonderful writers all across the blogging world. they have beautiful blogs, are kind and lovely, and always find a way to add happiness and laughter to the lives of their readers. that is what truly defines an awesome blogger. ~~~coffeelovingbookoholic

| rules |

– thank the person who nominated you
– include the reason behind the award
– include the banner in your post
– tag it under #awesomebloggeraward in the reader
– answer the questions your nominator gave you
– nominate at least five awesome bloggers
– give your nominees ten new questions to answer
– let your nominees know they’ve been nominated!

| questions |

1) what’s your absolute favorite post you’ve ever written?

i think my answer is always going to be dear blue eyes | love notes. idk, it just means a lot to me and it got some sweet compliments.

2) what do you hope to do in the future?

currently, the dream is to be roommates with my best friends, go on road trips, take long walks, make art and music, get a dog and equal rights, hopefully marry someone who loves me and has soft hair, etc.

3) what’s one of your biggest blogging goals at the moment?

to reach 1000 followers. i’m not that far away, either, since i transferred my followers from let’s be lost. just 110 to go.

4) who is someone you want to meet in your lifetime more than anyone else?

i want to find my platonic soulmate. someone who fits with me like a puzzle piece, whose presence doesn’t make me tired, who accepts me for what i am and what i’m not — who loves me, but not in that way.

5) what music would you be most likely to blast if you were alone in a car?

my mind goes straight to blink-182. nothing better than singing angsty lyrics about teenage rebellion at the top of your lungs.

6) what’s your favorite quote and who said it?

because i didn’t start writing poetry until i met you.

that’s two quotes. whoops.

7) if you could be granted one wish, what would you wish for?

i would wish that i could go back in time and fix things that i did wrong. maybe i would make sure i didn’t lose my first friend, i would keep my cat from running away, i would say “i love you, too” instead of just nodding. i know changing my past would make me a different person, but that’s ok, that’s what i want.

8) who is your hero?

i’m not sure i have one, honestly. everyone is eventually kind of disappointing.


9) what is your all time favorite book?

at the moment, it’s simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda by becky albertalli. i first read it in autumn 2017, but it didn’t mean as much to me then. and i saw the movie based on it at the beginning of april, which reawakened my love for it, so i bought the book a few days later.

sure, parts of it are problematic, but it’s too cute to hate. *sort of spoiler* i love how simon fell for blue before they met each other, because he loved blue for his personality, not his looks. *end spoiler*

“so, i keep thinking about the idea of secret identities. do you ever feel locked into yourself? i’m not sure if i’m making sense here. i guess what i mean is that sometimes it seems like everyone knows who i am except me.”

 10) are you in any fandoms? if so, which ones?
oh boy. i first got into fandoms in about fifth grade, so i’m in quite a lot now. here are just a few of them:

lockwood & co., lord of the rings, keeper of the lost cities, how to train your dragon.

tv/film: doctor who, gravity falls, over the garden wall, star vs. the forces of evil, sherlock.

| nominees |

jenny @ aliens exist
athena @ ath3na’s little corner
lonelymeme @ life in a blogshell
cas @ cas.tle
april @ april’s laundry basket

| questions |

1) what do you usually doodle on your papers?
2) how do you want to be seen by others?
3) do you enjoy people watching?
4) what are your plans for this weekend?
5) what was your last dream about?
6) if you were a color, what would it be?
7) what wouldn’t you do to help a friend?
8) do you think your blog is a good representation of who you really are?
9) what are three songs you connect with right now?
10) do you consider yourself a romantic?

on a different note, i experienced the simple joy of listening to music while showering for the first time a few days ago. i felt like the subtly hot protagonist from a teen rom-com who has a stunning voice but doesn’t like to flaunt her talent. the reason i’ve never tried it before is that i don’t usually have the house to myself in the morning, and i feel weird about playing my music on a speaker for everyone to hear. i guess it feels too personal or something.

plus, i’m not the most coordinated person, and i was afraid i would drop my ipod in the shower. something like that has happened before. i tried the magic “stick it in rice” trick, and it actually worked?? i don’t understand and i’m too lazy to google it.

so long, my friends. have a good day.

xo apollo

musical theatre tag

i started listening to musicals last year, and now i’m a bit obsessed with them. when did i last play a normal album instead of a soundtrack? who knows.

none of my friends are really into musicals, which means i have no one to gush about them with. but i do have some theatre-loving internet friends who have recommended shows to me, so this one’s for you: a musical theatre tag i found in the depths of the internet. :)

| questions |

1) when did you start liking the performing arts?

probably when i was in my first musical, something called living inside out. the homeschool co-op i was in did one every other year. i played one of the main characters, zoe (originally zach), the star of the basketball team who twists her ankle before the big game. it was a truly terrible musical, but it did get me into theatre.

2) ever been in a musical?

i’ve been in two: living inside out, and messages for refugees. no one’s ever heard of them, and i’m thankful for that, because they were really, really awful. i complained about them in this post, and i’m sure i’ll gripe more in the future.

3) what was the first musical you listened to?

that would be dear evan hansen (thanks for the recommendation, kath). it’s really emotional and has a powerful message, and it’s one of the only musicals i can listen to around my mom. :)

4) what musicals are you dying to see?

i would love love love to see spring awakening, because it’s one of my favorites and maybe the lyrics would make sense if i had some context. but for that to happen, it would need another revival, so who knows.

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5) if you could be any female character in any musical, who would you be and why?

probably heather chandler from heathers. i want to do the candy store choreography, sing “dang dang diggity dang-a-dang, and *spoiler* die. *end spoiler*

or wendla from spring awakening, because that show is freaking fantastic and i would kill to be in it.

(also: zoe from dear evan hansen, veronica from heathers, and katherine from newsies.)

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6) which male character?

michael mell from be more chill would be fun, as i also sometime cry in the bathroom during parties and love my bff.

or gabe from next to normal — i’m alive is a bop, and i can relate to his mother thinking that he’s a cocaine-snorting pole dancer.

(also: moritz/melchior from spring awakening, conner/evan from dear evan hansen, and davey/crutchie from newsies.)

7) what musical character are you most like?

possibly mortiz from spring awakening? i mean, he got a bad grade and decided that the best way to escape his problems was by running away to america. but i’m also a combination of michael (bmc), evan, and conner (deh).

8) what showtune describes your life?

bad idea from waitress, of course.

i can’t pick just one, so here are a couple:

all of waving through a window and words fail from dear evan hansen.

the mirror-blue night // spring awakening: and there’s no one who knows and there’s nowhere to go; there’s no one to see who can see to my soul.

michael in the bathroom // be more chill: i could stay right here or disappear, and nobody’d even notice at all. | memories get erased and i’ll get replaced with a newer, cooler version of me.

Image result for spring awakening album cover

9) what do you think is the most underrated musical?

guess who’s going to talk about spring awakening some more.

i love that musical!! it’s packed with emotion and has a song for almost anything. want to cry? listen to the mirror-blue night and those you’ve known. full of angst? listen to mama who bore me (reprise) and don’t do sadness. want to be loved/in love? listen to my junk and touch me. want to spend the rest of your life wondering what the lyrics mean? listen to the song of purple summer.

also, the characters have stolen my heart. the girls are so sweet and innocent, while the boys are just . . . vessels of sin. and i love them anyway.

10) overrated musical?

don’t hate me for this, but . . . hamilton. i haven’t listened to the whole thing, and i don’t really plan to, because the fandom just seems so weird and cringey?? (i know there are tons of people who like hamilton who are lovely and don’t bring it up in every conversation — just the fandom as a whole is kind of annoying.)

11) what musical made you cry?

i’ve been listening to dear evan hansen practically every day for m o n t h s, and i still sob every time i hear words fail.

and sometimes i cry when i listen to newsies. the part near the end of once and for all where they sing “there’s change coming once and for all” at the top of their lungs gets to me. yes, please give us change, our world kind of sucks.

Image result for falsettos album cover12) what musical made you laugh?

falsettos is pretty funny. lines like “father homo, what about chromozones?”, “get thee to a psychiatrist!” and “i’d rather die than dry-clean marvin’s wedding gown” catch me off guard and then make me laugh.

also: heathers is literally about killing people, but it’s so funny?? especially big fun, blue, and my dead gay son. i can’t sing those with a straight (ha) face.

13) are there any musicals you saw and hated?

my fair lady. i saw a high school version of it, but it wasn’t the quality of the performance that made me hate it — it was how disgusting mr. higgins is. he’s so gross and sexist and abusive?? his character just ruined the whole thing for me.

14) favorite film adaption of a musical?

les misérables! it’s such a powerful story, and it’s got aaron tveit, so . . . also, i cried during the finale when you saw everyone *spoiler* who died at the barricades singing. *end spoiler*

15) what musical do you want to see as a film?

(like half of the musicals i like are already movies, whoops.)

be more chill could be a great movie, i think. it would be interesting to see how the squip is incorporated — would he follow jeremey around, or would he just be a voice? and i want to sob to a version of michael in the bathroom that isn’t a blurry bootleg.

16) any movie or book you think should be turned into a musical?

i’ve suddenly forgotten every book that i’ve ever read.

i feel like a dead poets society musical could be really interesting? (they could just reuse the song seize the day from newsies . . . you know, since jack kelly and co. won’t be needing it anymore.)

as for books, maybe lucky few by kathryn ormsbee? it’s about some homeschoolers who help their friend complete a list of 23 different ways to fake his death.

17) list all your favorite musicals.

these are listed in the order that first i listened to them in, plus a short, lightly sarcastic description of each one.

– dear evan hansen (*insert the why you always lying vine*)
– be more chill (don’t do drugs, kids)
– heathers (yay, murder)
– spring awakening (teen angst)
– waitress (a baking metaphor)
– next to normal (the true Dysfunctional Family™️)
– newsies (the youth rebel against the government)
– les misérables (the youth rebel against the government 2.0)
– falsettos (just really gay)

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18) out of those, which is your all-time favorite?

dear evan hansen is always going to be my favorite because it’s the one that got me into theatre, but spring awakening is a close second. the lyrics rarely make any sense ((*cough* the song of purple summer *cough*), but when they do, they hit close to home.

| nominees |

julia @ julia’s journal
kathleen @ dolls and dance
mckenna @ alternate galaxy
mckenzie @ space child

important announcement: i cut my hair yesterday!! it was pretty long, maybe halfway down my back, and now it’s about two inches past my shoulders. it’s so bouncy and fluffy and i just love it so much?? anyway, once it was done, i spent probably an hour trying to take an artsy selfie . i did finally manage to get one that i think is sort of cute, but since i can’t put pictures of my whole face on here, you’ll just have to take my word for it.

it’s sort of like this, but better centered and with my face showing all the way. :)

also, i’m going on another trip today! two of my friends and i are staying in d.c. for the weekend, so look out for another travel diary soon.

have a good day! listen to some musicals for me!

xo apollo

the change award

hello, friends, i hope all is well.

gracie nominated me for a tag that she created: the change award. it’s about how you hope to make the world a better place, and i’m really glad that i get to do it. :)

| rules |

– link back to me, as well as whoever nominated you.
– include this: i, gracie chick of a light in the darkness, created this award to highlight the importance of young people taking responsibility for the future of their world. the change award also gives them the opportunity to share with others what they believe in.
answer the questions below.
– nominate as many people as you like.

 | questions |

make a list of the things you want to change about schools.

– less testing. they’re too stressful and i always forget what i’ve studied as soon as i’ve finished the test.

– shorter school days. honestly, there’s no reason kids should be in school for seven hours, and then have to do homework and extracurricular activities. personally, i learn better on days with early dismissal because the classes are shorter.

– better anti-bullying movements. one thing that bothers me is that when people talk about bullying, they say that “it can happen to anyone,” when that’s not exactly right. the kids who get bullied the most are poc, queer, mentally ill, religious, disabled, etc. if adults talked more about those things and helped students understand and respect them, bullying would be less common.

– please give us better sex ed, i’m begging you. and make it relevant for lgbt+ students, too.

– have different age groups interact more often.

– less sexist dress codes would be nice. if my legs are distracting some gross teacher, maybe consider firing them??

– more in-depth history lessons. tell us about human zoos in the 90’s, native american two-spirits, margaret hamilton (who created the navigation software for nasa’s apollo project), eudy simelane (a south african soccer player who was murdered and raped for her sexuality), etc.

make a list of the things you want to change about local communities.

– i was reading about the nuclear family and how it’s not that great of a setup. being exposed to just your family’s way of thinking is how toxic ideas get passed down, and it also makes abuse pretty easy to get away with. so children being parented by the community is something that might help.

– i’ve never seen a real block party and i’d like to experience one of those before the sweet embrace of death.

– take the luxury tax off of tampons/pads. what do i do if i’m broke? just bleed on everything because i can’t afford some dumb compressed cotton balls??

– make bards a thing again, please and thank you.

– make it socially acceptable to not want children. i can’t even count how many times i’ve heard “when you’re a mother,” and i say that i don’t actually want kids, and i’m told that i’ll change my mind.

make a list of the things you want to change about the world, your world.

no trump, no kkk, no fascist usa. (green day)

– elect me for president and i’ll make sure melanie martinez goes to jail like she freaking deserves.

– if the media could stop making things like feminism, black lives matter, and lgbt+ issues into jokes, that would be, like, really cool.

– @ big companies, stop destroying our planet, oh my g o s h.

– can we end toxic masculinity and the idea that men aren’t supposed to cry? because male suicide rates are ridiculously high, and they would go down if society didn’t think men expressing their emotions is weird and feminine.

– make conversion therapy illegal everywhere, it’s literally abuse and it kills.

– stop victim blaming!! i’ve heard people complain about the #metoo movement, and i don’t get it. why would you make fun of women who have found the courage to speak up about their harassment? am i missing something??


| nominees |

may @ forever and everly

ellie @ on the other side of reality

nabila @ hot town cool girl

rutvi @ capturing and creating 

kathleen @ dolls and dance

i know i’ve missed stuff, but there’s no way i can fit everything i can’t stand about our world into one post without it getting extremely long and full of rants. maybe some other time, though.

no matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world. -dead poets society

xo apollo

liebster award

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hello, friends. i’ve been nominated for the liebster award many times, and i’m finally getting around to posting about it. there’s going to have to be a part two sometime, as i’ve currently been tagged five times, i believe.

kathryn and write owl are two of the wonderful people who tagged me. thanks, loves. :)

| kathryn’s questions |

what’s your favorite kind of tea?

my favorites are peppermint or english breakfast tea, served in my elephant mug with lots of honey. the elephant’s name is herbert.

what’s your favorite theme song?

the gravity falls theme! it’s so catchy.

i’ve watched the entire show about four times. i have a problem.

if given a free ticket, which country would you choose to visit and why?

probably greece or scotland. greece because i learned some of the language last year, scotland because it’s just insanely beautiful. (i say a learned some of the language, but it was koine greek, which they don’t speak anymore.)

what is the one thing you wish people knew about you?

sometimes i just don’t want to be around anyone. i’ll ignore texts, i’ll try to get out of seeing my friends, etc. and that probably makes me sound like a horrible friend — and maybe i am — but it doesn’t mean that i love them any less. i still adore them, i’m just tired and don’t want to talk. i’ll usually get over it in a week and then i’ll send my pals memes and organize sleepovers and stuff like that.

what is your greatest achievement?

i know all the lyrics to dear evan hansen.

what is your most prized possession?

idk if this really counts as a possession, since i’ve never printed any of them out, but pictures of my friends (like this one of k and b, taken the day before new year’s eve). i’m sure they’re going to leave someday, and i don’t want to forget what it’s liked to love and be loved.

what are three of your main goals?

1) become a bard

i have been in love with idea of being a bard ever since i read the how to train your dragon series. and i know they aren’t really a thing anymore, but i’m sure i can figure something out.

2) travel

i don’t care where. i just want to grab a friend, my camera, my beat up converse, and leave.

3) publish a book

i’m really hoping that my 2017 nano project is going to be the one that i finish and eventually get published. i’d also like to publish some of my poetry, too.

how did you pick your blog’s name?

most of you know that i’m still an emo loser who loves my chemical romance, right? well, their last album was called danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys, and it came from that.

what’s your favorite post that you’ve written?

dear blue eyes | love notes

it’s about loving someone (clearly), but i didn’t realize i had been in love with them until years later and it was too late. writing that helped me figure out my feelings and some super important things about myself.

if you won the lottery what’s the first thing you’d buy?

a border collie (i would name it turtle), a polaroid camera, and plane tickets to anywhere.

who is your role model?

Related image
“real revenge is making something of yourself.” -gerard way

this lovely man, gerard way. i can’t even begin to describe how much he and his music have helped me. but i would not be who i am if i had not found his band and their inspiring messages.

plus, he went through a lot of rough things and still managed to come out on top. and it’s so comforting that someone can feel horrible enough to write songs like the end., famous last words, the sharpest lives, the only hope for me is you, and i’m not okay (i promise), and then keep living and fall in love and have a family.

| write owl’s questions |

do you enjoy classics or do you think they’re boring and overrated? (i’ll try not to judge you if the latter is the case :p)

i don’t read a lot of classics because most of them aren’t the kind of genre i enjoy. however, i do love the chronicles of narnia and lord of the rings — i can’t resist a good fantasy series.

do you prefer to write/read in first- or third-person?

i pretty much always write in first person. it’s so much easier to get inside the mc’s head and understand them better.

how often do you use personal experiences to make your writing more authentic? do you actively seek out new experiences to heighten your stories?

i write a lot of fantasy, which i unfortunately don’t have a lot of experience with. but i’ve been making many of my characters have poor mental health because i can use my own experiences with that.

as for seeking out new experiences, i do occasionally try to get hurt/spend time around morally ambiguous people for the sake of research. which probably isn’t the smartest thing i’ve ever done, but whatever.

do you listen to music when you write? if so, is there a specific genre that you prefer?

i listen to music while i do everything, honestly. (except for showering??) i guess the genre i listen to depends on what kind of story i’m writing. like when i was working on my 2016 nano project, i played twenty one pilots songs because they’re terribly sad and they matched the mood of my story. if i’m writing poetry, i’ll listen to stuff like sleeping at last, because it’s calming and helps me think better.

where is the strangest place that you have ever found inspiration?

my mum’s billy joel’s greatest hits vol. 2 cd. i may or may not have based an entire story around it.

what are your top three favorite quotes from any book that you have ever read?

“you make me lovely, and it’s so lovely to be lovely to the one i love.” -all the bright places by jennifer niven

“i like to think that nothing’s final, and that everyone gets to be together even when it looks like they don’t, that it all works out even when all the evidence seems to say something else, that you and i are always young in the woods, and that i’ll see you sometime again, even if it’s not with any kind of eyes i know of or understand. i wouldn’t be surprised if that is the way things go after all — that all things end happy.” -tiger lily by jodi lynn anderson

“‘well, it’s simple to love someone,’ she said. ‘but it’s hard to know when you need to say it out loud.'” -when you reach me by rebecca stead

the second one is from one of my favorite books ever. that particular quote made me cry all night. i’d really recommend checking it out.

do you generally like your characters? have you ever written one that you didn’t like?

yeah, most of the time. i usually think my characters are precious, problematic children who must be protected at all costs. but there was one from a currently abandoned project called shadow bird that i couldn’t stand. she was named delilah hallowell and she was the definition of an arrogant, annoying diva. i really despised her. she might have gotten more bearable if i’d reached the point in the plot where i revealed her Tragic Backstory™, but i never got that far.

what is your favorite movie from a story-telling point of view?

the princess bride. i watch it every time i’m sick, and it still keeps my interest, because the characters are so unique and the story is so bizarre and wonderful.

do you let anyone read your work(s)-in-progress, or do they have to prove themselves worthy before they can get a peek?

i don’t let anyone read my wips anymore, with the exception of posting occasional snippets on my blog. i’ll definitely let my writer internet friends look at my stories if i ever finish them and need beta readers, but until then, no one gets more than a few paragraphs at a time.

who is your favorite author that not many people have heard of?

pseudonymous bosch! he’s the author of the secret series, which is one of my all time favorites. his writing style is hilarious and i love all of characters, they have really dramatic and distinct personalities. 10/10, i would definitely recommend him to anyone.

on average, how many books do you read in one year?

i read about forty-five books last year, which isn’t very good for me. usually, i go through way more than that, but i’ve been in a reading slump since late 2016.

| nominees |

charli @ starfreckld

kathryn @ in the depths of dreams

noor @ bookmarkd

infinitmagic @ expensive rainbows

julia @ julia’s journal

| questions |

do you believe in luck?
do you want any tattoos?
do you want to be a parent?
do you have any siblings?
what did you want to be when you were a kid?
what’s the best halloween costume you’ve ever worn?
what school subject are you best at?
do you have any nicknames?
what song is stuck in your head?
how was your day?

on a different note, i finally gave in to peer pressure (*cough* rutvi and n *cough*) and watched stranger things. it was pretty interesting, but i still think it’s overhyped. my favorite characters are dustin, hopper, and that one conspiracy dude with the vodka. i’d love to discuss the show with you guys in the comments and get your opinions on it. :)

xo apollo