// truce //

now the night is coming to an end
the sun will rise and we will try again

stay alive, stay alive for me
you will die, but now your life is free
take pride in what is sure to die

i will fear the night again
i hope i’m not my only friend

stay alive, stay alive for me
you will die, but now your life is free
take pride in what is sure to die

truce // twenty one pilots


truce (noun): an agreement between enemies or opponents to stop fighting or arguing for a certain time.

to the universe,

let something wonderful happen and i will stop begging for good things every night. i will stop crying out to you that the garden on my lot has wilted. just send some sunlight to bring the flowers back to life.

to my love,

i will stay alive for you if you will stay alive with me.

(easier said than done, darling.)

i think both of our hourglasses are almost empty.

xo apollo

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sketchbook (6)

i’ve filled forty pages of my sketchbook this year. i think i have too much time on my hands.

i tried using pastels, and this is what i got. she’s  a little out of proportion, but it’s not exactly awful, especially since i haven’t used pastels in years.

i tagged along to one of my mom’s nature journaling club’s meetings, and they were working on fonts (although i don’t see how that counts as nature journaling). this took forever to do, but it was really satisfying when i finished. my favorites are snapdragon, achillea, and clematis.

i drew some photographs i took downtown as polaroids. polaroids are adorable and i would love to get a camera sometime. until then, i’ll just print out my pictures and leave a white border around them.

i have an insane amount of glitter glue, so i did her hair with that instead of markers. it was originally pastel pink, but it dried lighter. it still looks nice, though.

i was very angry (ha, when am i not) one day, and this came out of it.

screen // twenty one pilots

i did this during church a few weeks ago. and yes, i did think gluing a lollipop wrapper into my sketchbook was a good idea. my sunday school teacher was giving them out. also, i drew a boy this time, which is amazing for me because i usually make girls. don’t know why, that’s just how it is for me.

i came up with the idea of drawing people with flowers as heads one night when it was super tired. that’s why it’s a bit weird. my brother told me that it’s “incredibly disturbing,” which is honestly the best compliment about my art that i’ve ever received.

maps // the front bottoms

another church doodle. i tried not to use any curved lines in this, and i think it turned out ok.

i did this for my spanish class. we were supposed to create an imaginary friend and describe them in spansih. this is sabra, she’s a magician and one of the characters in my possible nanowrimo project (i still haven’t decided if i’m going to participate this year).

we had to work on these at school, and the kids at my table kept asking me to help with their drawings. i had to show them how to draw braids and mermaid tails, and one girl even got me to draw the head for her. i almost wish that i were really, really awful at art so i wouldn’t have to hear “yours is so much better than mine!!” all the time.

i think i draw people too much. they’re really the only thing i can draw, and apart from a few things i did in a nature journaling class at co-op, my sketchbook is mostly just people. i’d like to try something else, but when i have paper in front of me, all that comes out is people and sometimes flowers. occasionally people with flowers instead of heads. any suggestions?

i hope you all had a good day. make sure to drink some water and take your meds. :)

xo apollo

band merch collection

hey! i thought i’d show you guys all the band merch that i’ve collected over the years. i think i found most of it at hot topic, so if you see something you like, check out their online store.

by the way, i’m not trying to brag or anything like that. i’m just sharing my collection.

behold, my one panic! shirt. it’s a muscle tee (apparently some people call that style “bro tanks.” i’m still laughing about it) and very comfortable.

of course i have tøp merch.

they did a concert nearby at the beginning of the year, and half the people i know went, but i couldn’t. i am still bitter about it. :’)

yep, i still love beanies. they’re so cozy. but this one looks better on my friend n than it does on me, and i’m not ok with that.

ft. my ukulele, which i love very much.

idk if you can tell from the picture, but this is a bag. it’s pretty roomy and it’s got pockets on the inside (!!). a girl complimented me on it when i was at the movie theater with my friends.

i like this one because this shade of blue looks fricken amazing on me.

this one is kind of simple, but it looks great with a flannel, so it’s all good.

i was hunting for pins a few days ago and found this fall out boy one. it’s on my denim jacket now with a few other cute pins.

i’m pretty sure i’ve posted about this jacket before, but whatever. it’s too big on me, and that’s fine because i usually wear oversized clothes anyway.

and here’s the back. :)

i love the colors on this one! the lyrics are from the song runaways. (jealous, rutvi? ;) )

this one is a tank top that i accidentally  stretched out during a 5k this summer (thanks to lots of mud and ice water and cinder blocks ). it looks like the mtv logo and that’s pretty cool.

i ordered this one off amazon, i think. i really want to color it in with sharpies, but i know that i’d mess it up.

i only have one mcr shirt and it’s really a huge problem. my principal, of all people, complimented me on it. i know him from church and he usually says hello to me while i’m walking to class, or he’ll ask how my day was when i’m waiting to be picked up. it’s a little weird, but i’m getting used to it.

i’m thinking about getting oh wonder merch next, or maybe dodie or the front bottoms. i don’t really know. but i just blew most of my money on books (i got seven new ones in one day, help me), so it probably won’t be anytime soon.

i hope you all have a good day!

xo apollo

i’m not okay (i promise)

i just don’t wanna be

so many things

and now that i see

i just wanna sing

i just wanna breathe

i just wanna fly

i just wanna close m y  e y e s

and take in the sun

and take in the air

i just wanna run

and murder my care

i wanna believe that i will be free  e l s e w h e r e

time to say goodbye // twenty one pilots (cover)


it rained and rained and rained yesterday. i rather like when it rains, though. it means i’m not crying alone.

i’d like to try writing poetry. i keep reading poems online, and they give me such a calm feeling, and it amazes me how even a short poem can stir up so many emotions. i don’t really know how to go about writing poetry, as the only ones i’ve ever written have been along the lines of, “if it can fly, it should die.” any tips would be greatly appreciated. it doesn’t matter how simple you think the tip is. i’m quite clueless and would like all the help i can get.

xo apollo

songs for when you want to give up

songs in bold are explicit.


friend, please // twenty one pilots

the light behind your eyes // my chemical romance

believe // yellowcard

throne // bring me the horizon

johnny boy // twenty one pilots

missing you // all time low

welcome to the black parade // my chemical romance

body bag // beartooth

truce // twenty one pilots

if i’m james dean, you’re audrey hepburn // sleeping with sirens

saturn // sleeping at last

time of dying // three days grace

the kill // thirty seconds to mars

guns for hands // twenty one pilots

famous last words // my chemical romance

cinderblock garden // all time low

lovely // twenty one pilots

save // tyler joseph


“i don’t want to do this anymore. i can’t do this anymore. i give up! i’m done fighting. please let me go. please.

i’m going to ask you to do something for me. think of someone who is important to you. could be a friend, a band member, someone you met online, even someone who you don’t know yet — like your future best friend or the person you’ll marry, if that’s something you want to do. now promise that person that you will stay alive for them.

you don’t want to disappoint that person, do you? so stay alive. keep fighting, no matter how hard it gets. someday, you will be glad that you didn’t give up. someday, you can tell that person that you are alive because of them.

please don’t give up.

i love you.

is there a song that you think should be on this list? leave the name in the comments.

xo apollo