it’s called ukulele screamo and it’s art

because you’re clearly not a real twenty one pilots fan until you post pictures of your ukulele on your blog.

and, yes, i did pick wildflowers and cover the ukulele with them just for these photos.

i can’t even play the ukulele. yet. i’m trying to figure it out, but i’m not very good at playing instruments. i get frustrated too easily. but i’m going to try to learn it over the summer, since i don’t have much else to do. i want to be able to play the only exception by paramore, stomach tied in knots by sleeping with sirens, and can’t help falling in love (a song that has grown to mean the world to me. thanks, n.).

i’ve been playing it for a little bit each day, and my fingers already hurt like heck. i don’t know how people who play string instruments exist. they have too much endurance for one person. i know that i’ll get calluses on my fingertips if i play enough, but it hurts right now and i am in so much pain. (i’m being a little bit dramatic, but that’s just how i keep my life from being incredibly boring. also, i’ve been in one play and two musicals, so that gives me the right to be dramatic, yeah? i’m being sarcastic, by the way.)

i’m just going to talk about my awful music teachers now.

mrs. t

so. i always wanted to play the flute. and one year, my mom decided that my brother and i should learn to play an instrument, as part of our school. i, of course, chose flute, and my brother picked drums. we found an old homeschool mom who knew how to play pretty much every instrument invented, and we took lessons from her once a week. her name was mrs. t. this was a  m i s t a k e, let me tell you.

when we arrived at her house for the first time, her two sons were playing basketball in the driveway. there was a dilapidated playhouse which was being claimed by the wild. we went into her house, and there was this really distinct and overwhelming smell. it was kind of like homemade spaghetti sauce with way too many fresh herbs in it. mrs. t was a plump lady with white hair that looked like a bunch of cotton balls glued to her head, and she had this slightly evil, strained smile. the only good thing was that she had lots of cats, and they would walk into the room while i took my music lesson and lay on the sheet music.

my brother’s lesson was first, so my mom and i spread out a blanket in the shade and did school until it was my turn. it was nearly impossible to focus, though, because of the racket my brother was making. he was pretty awful, honestly — hesitant taps, unsteady rhythm, etc. the worst part was that he thought he was really good, because he finished his book of sheet music way before i finished mine. but he didn’t need to learn notes and fingering and how to breathe properly.

anyway, my first lesson was incredibly awkward. i barely talked at all, because i hated how her house smelled and i didn’t want to breathe it in if i could help it. well, breathing is kind of important when playing a wind instrument, i’m not sure if you guys knew that.

mrs. t spent the first lesson teaching me how to put the flute together, how to clean and hold it, and how to get a crisp sound to come out of it. the flute smelled like my grandma’s nasty little schnauzer dog, by the way.

i realized a few things after that first lesson: flute is a lot harder than it looks, i would never be able to eat homemade spaghetti sauce again, and i really did not like mrs. t.

my mom made us stick with our instruments of choice for a year. by the time i got to quit flute lessons, the most impressive thing i could play was two lines of camptown races. i was very happy to quit, and although i still have my flute, i have barely touched it since then.

mrs. u

the two other music teachers i can remember were both from my co-op: mrs. u and mrs. c. mrs. u wasn’t a bad teacher, just a little too enthusiastic. she directed the musical that our co-op performed every other year, and i got the main role the first year i was old enough to audition. i played zoe (originally zach), the star of the basketball team who twisted her ankle before the big game. i had a fair amount of lines (snarky responses to other characters), but i mostly just got to sit there and look annoyed while everyone sang at me (i remember mckenna dancing around with a bible and basically telling me to change my attitude). the only song i got to sing in was the last one, after i had had a change of heart or whatever, and to this day, i will start singing it whenever someone says “everyday.”

mrs. c

mrs. c was a different story, though. she wrote the musical herself, and i don’t want to say that it was bad, but . . . i could have written a much better one. pup was one of the main characters for that musical. i was only part of the first act, so the practices were really quite boring for me. the only good things about that musical were that i got to laugh a lot with q and n during the practices, even though we got in trouble for it a few times. i also got to see n in a lot of dark eyeliner, which still stands as one of the most amusing things i’ve ever witnessed. i have lots more to say about this . . . slightly lacking musical, but that would be enough for a whole other post. i could write that, if you guys would be interested.

so, that pretty much sums up my experience with music classes. for someone who listens to music so much, it’s probably a bit surprising that i can’t play anything very well. hopefully i can become a little more than “absolute trash, seriously, why are you even trying” when it comes to ukulele.

i want to know about your awful teachers, because i’m sort of a bad person, i guess. so go ahead and rant about them in the comments, i won’t mind. 

xo apollo

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i want you in the most unromantic way

(i figured out how to use the timer option on my camera, and even though it’s something small, i’m actually kind of proud of myself.)

i got to hang out with my lovely friend pup on thursday, after trying to plan something for a week. we picked her up at nine and then hung around my house, doing typical teenage girl stuff. like making sweet, sweet music with my ukulele, ocarina, and flute (it actually sounded pretty awful, but we were having fun, so whatever); emptying my wallet of money and throwing 30+ bills around my room; experimenting with milkshake recipes; testing our flexibility; updating her blog’s design, etc. (mostly) normal things.

the unicorn squad.
the unicorn squad.

ah, yes. there we are.

we decided to go to the mall, to try and find a birthday present for our friend. we stopped at a couple stores, and it was actually really fun.

at books-a-million, i found two books about pup: they were called short and loser. and i spotted a unicorn mask and kind of freaked out. i think these are the sickest things ever, so of course we tried it on. we decided that at my wedding, my love and i will wear these for the pictures. i hope whoever i marry is cool with that.

(my nickname used to be unicorn [because i had a lovely zit on my forehead one day and pup is mean], and she will not let me live it down. but that’s fair, because i call her munchkin/fun-size/other nicknames related to being short, even though she’s actually a tiny bit taller than me.)


me, holding a mug that looks like the colossal titan’s face: hey, kelsie, look at this. it’s as pretty as you are.

kelsie: *beautiful girly shriek*


we found some superman socks with little capes attached to them. my friend q had some like that, and he wore them to co-op nearly every day. i think something must have happened to them, because he hasn’t worn them for a long time. i kind of wanted to get some new ones for him.

i found some cool socks, though, which i ended up getting.

starry night.

we stopped at a kiosk that sells phone cases, and the worker pointed out one of the camo ones and told us that they were popular among the ladies. he was pretty funny and helpful, but we didn’t find anything nice. there were some yankees ones and a creepy duck.

pup said she was scared to go into hot topic. apparently she walked by it around halloween, and saw a goth kid whom she mistook as a vampire. but i finally coaxed her into going in, and she decided that it was ok once she saw all the disney and harry potter things.

while we were in there, SING by my chemical romance started playing. i flipped out and followed pup around the store, performing the whole thing for her dramatically. i hope i embarrassed her.

for every time that they want to count you out
use your voice every single time you open up your mouth
sing it for the boys
sing it for the girls
every time that you lose it sing it for the worldthen we made our way over to claire’s, because i hadn’t found a nice choker at hot topic and was hoping they would have one. i picked a very simple one, and pup and i wandered around the store, looking at the flower crowns.

when we were getting close to leaving, pup found some pretty bracelets near the register. we ended up getting six of them, and they’re tight enough to not be annoying.

we thought we were supposed to meet my mom back at books-a-million. we waited there for awhile, and jish’s family walked by (he wasn’t with them, sadly). every time i see him, i stare at him creepily and sing, “jooooosh.” i usually ask him about joward, too. because i’m evil. >:)

my mom eventually texted us to see where we were, and then we got lost in the parking lot because we couldn’t find our car. there were a couple of guys using a jackhammer on the pavement, and i don’t think they were supposed to be doing that. oh well.

when we were driving pup to her grandma’s party store, she posted a  bunch of really awful pictures she had taken of me on instagram. she’s literally the worst person in the world. but i posted that picture of her in the unicorn mask as revenge.

she’s one of the weirdest, most amazing people i have ever met. and even if she doesn’t stay in my life forever, i’m so thankful for every moment i’ve had with her.

so this was kind of a weird post, but i don’t think i’ll regret it. i want to save as many photos and stories and inside jokes and adventures as i can, because one day, the people i love might leave, and i need more than just memories of them in my head.

xo apollo

 q&a answers | part two

hello, friends, and welcome to part two of my q&a! (read part one here.)


daisy‘s questions:

what are three movies that make you cry?

let’s see . . . i cried during beauty and the beast, during doctor strange (that was from laughter, though. i couldn’t take it seriously, because my mind was going “bendynoodle cucumberpatch!!” the whole time), and during how to train your dragon 2.

have you ever dyed your hair? if so what color? if not, what color would you?

remember a couple summers back, when everyone was dip dyeing their hair with kool-aid? i did that as part of my evil queen costume for a play i was in. it was supposed to turn out purple, but it ended up just being red. i recall freaking out in the shower because i thought i was bleeding, bu it was actually just the kool-aid washing out of my hair.

my friend has told me i would look good with black hair with blue tips. i think silver or any pastel color would be cool.

favorite mathematical concept?

calculating how quickly i can close the math book when i’m finished with my lesson.

hogwarts house?

i had to go get a pottermore account so i could answer this question. i hope you guys are happy.

i got slytherin.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i thought i would get hufflepuff, but apparently not. that’s ok, slytherin is cool, too.

ilvermorny house?

i got thunderbird. i guess that’s pretty neat? it’s got the nicest name out of the four houses, anyway.

hogwarts hybrid house?

hufferin. sweet. :D

batman or superman?

batman. my friend q has always had a weird love for superman (superman socks and shirts and more), and it annoys me, so i don’t want to pick superman. also, whoever created him made him much too powerful.

marvel or dc?

marvel, all the way. it’s because they have spiderman and the winter soldier.

pool or lake?

once upon a time, when i was at ahg summer camp, i was swimming in the lake with izzy. the counselors told us that the fish in the lake wouldn’t bite us. well, what do you know, they were wrong. a fish came up and bit me on the butt. that was an e x p e r i e n c e, let me tell you. so i prefer the pool, because there are no fish, and my mermaid tail can be better appreciated. :)

did han shoot first?

yeah? yeah.

will solace [from: pjo] have a good rest of the day/night!!

camp half-blood cabin?

i’m in the apollo cabin! i’m actually quite happy about that. it’s the cabin of music and poetry and archery and healing, and i like all of those things, so it’s a good fit.


hayley‘s questions:

would you rather be hot or cold?

hmm, let’s see. i get cold a lot and it’s not much fun. yeah, i can put on socks and a sweatshirt and become a blanket burrito, but it doesn’t always help. and if i’m hot (sometimes i’ll get extremely feverish for no reason), i can take a cold shower until i stop shaking and feeling like i’ll faint. i don’t like either of them, though. so i choose death instead.

what animals do you have right now?

a chance to talk about my cute animal friends? yay! i have navi, my fluffy lil baby cat. she’ll be turning one this summer. and then there’s boo, who is gorgeous, but bitter and evil. then there’s all the fish and frogs in the pond, and a bunch of chickens, and i think that’s all.

what’s your favorite candy?

i would say skittles, but my friend would kill me, so i’ll go with yorks instead. i just freaking love mints, man.

chocolate or vanilla?

for ice cream flavors? neither. i think they’re both pretty gross on their own. but they’re ok if you eat something with them, like peanut butter or crushed cookies.

what’s your favorite kind of pie, and with ice cream or no?

key lime pie and cherry pie are the best ones, we shouldn’t even be debating this. and i think ice cream on pie is rather weird. it’ll make the pie soggy and that’s just a sin.


lexie‘s questions:

what is your opinion on glitter pens?

i used to have this huge, incredible collection of glitter pens and i loved them. they’re fancy and dramatic and i wish i still had some.

short skirts or long skirts?

i don’t like skirts at all, actually, and i don’t think i own any at the moment. they make me feel uncomfortable and like i wouldn’t be able to escape from danger as easily. but if i had to wear a skirt, it would be a short one. they look better to me.

what color is the hand towel in your bathroom?

it’s white. yep, my family is very basic.

do you know how to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocous (without copying me)?

here goes:

supercallifragilisticgetsmeallidocious.

i tried.

would you rather hide in your room or make flower crowns with friends?

hiding sounds safer and less stressful . . . but i love flower crowns . . . so i guess it depends on what mood i’m in.


clara‘s questions:

Image result for how to act like a mermaid at school screenshot

what is the most interesting thing you’ve seen today?

oh boy. i saw a screenshot of a wikihow article called “how to act like a mermaid at school.” i don’t really know how to react to this.

google or bing?

are we really doing this? again??

IT’S GOOGLE, YOU IGNORANT CRUMB, BECAUSE IT HAS GOOGLE DOODLES. I REST MY CASE.
F I G H T  M E,  CLARA.

favorite drawing out of all the ones you’ve done?

ew, no, all of them suck. but i guess i need to have an answer, so let me go look through all my drawings.

*cringes while flipping through sketchbooks*

i really like this one. :)

what’s a goal that you have as of right now?

i want to start writing again! i don’t think i’ve really worked on a story since nanowrimo (i’m using our laptop breaking as an excuse). some writer i am, huh? i just got an idea for a new story that i’m excited to work on. :)

where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

in a graveyard, duh. who would want to dig around in there? yeah, you might find my treasure, but you’ll probably also uncover a dead guy.

are you looking forward to learning how to drive?

idk man, not really. i would probably get in trouble for driving away without telling anyone where i was going. but it would mean i could go to pretty locations and draw and write and take pictures there . . . so i guess i’m a little excited, but i’m not dying to get my license.

strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

i ate a leaf one time. there were a bunch of crunchy ones on my friend’s trampoline, so i just grabbed one and chewed it up. it was kind of like a chewy potato chip.

last time you wrote a letter to someone?

it was about two weeks ago, probably, to a lovely girl named ada. i’ve never met her, but i’ve been told by people who know her that we’re nearly the same person, and i would love to meet her someday.

Kalsoy, Faroe Islands Photo by @ananya.ray:

if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? 

i would like to go to wherever n is, actually. but that’s probably a boring answer, so how about the faroe islands?


wow, i’m learning things about myself from this! like what my hogwarts house is, and that i’m much more sarcastic then i should be (although i probably knew that last one already). just a warning: there are many more parts to this q&a in the works, and my answers will likely get even more sarcastic as i grow tired of thinking of replies.

xo apollo

friends can break your heart, too

it has been years

so why haven’t i let go 

of the past

of you

of us

it has been years

and seeing you still hurts

why didn’t you say hello 

ever again?

why do i still have hope?

it is killing me

i want to forget

teach me how

it was so easy for you


i’ve been thinking a lot about all the people that have left. and how every single time, it has been my fault. why wasn’t i more interesting? why wasn’t i good enough? why is it so hard for me to communicate? maybe they would have stayed if i weren’t so very me. what is so wrong with me that everyone leaves?

i was awake at three a.m. with all of my thoughts, and i wrote a poem for the first person who broke my heart. her name is lauren and she was my best friend, the first friend i ever made. i have lots to say about her, but that will be saved for another post. i’ll sort through all my memories of the two of us, even though they feel like thorny vines growing over my heart, and whip up something nostalgic.

so there you have it. my first attempt at poetry in a long while (and a hint of the pain that i’ve been ignoring for years. i think it’s time for me to address it.). i’ve written a few more poems since then, and i think they’re much better than this one. but i still felt like this was important, even if it’s not very good.

xo apollo

i’m not okay (i promise)

i just don’t wanna be

so many things

and now that i see

i just wanna sing

i just wanna breathe

i just wanna fly

i just wanna close m y  e y e s

and take in the sun

and take in the air

i just wanna run

and murder my care

i wanna believe that i will be free  e l s e w h e r e

time to say goodbye // twenty one pilots (cover)


it rained and rained and rained yesterday. i rather like when it rains, though. it means i’m not crying alone.

i’d like to try writing poetry. i keep reading poems online, and they give me such a calm feeling, and it amazes me how even a short poem can stir up so many emotions. i don’t really know how to go about writing poetry, as the only ones i’ve ever written have been along the lines of, “if it can fly, it should die.” any tips would be greatly appreciated. it doesn’t matter how simple you think the tip is. i’m quite clueless and would like all the help i can get.

xo apollo

sketchbook (3)

flowers from a patch of wildflowers in our garden (i’ll post pictures of that soon), and the lyrics of would you be so kind by dodie. my hand hurt a lot by the time i finished this.

i drew this one right after i heard the song drugs & candy, from all time low’s new album.

lyrics from last young renegade by all time low, plus a weird bullet journal sort of thing.

“alternatives to self-harm: snap a rubber band on your arm. hold an ice cube. draw on yourself. make a playlist. tear up paper. break sticks. paint your arms red. take a hot shower. youtube funny videos. hug a pillow. call a friend. write out the lyrics of a favorite song. play with something squishy. go for a run. google ‘the butterfly project.’ pull weeds. say ‘this feeling will pass.'”

lyrics from kids in the dark by all time low, and a list of alternatives for anyone who needs it. :) (can you tell i really like all time low?)

 

i can’t draw eyes or eyelashes, but . . . i made this thing! it was rather fun! i used lyrics from when the day met the night by panic! at the disco. (although it should have been “all was golden when the day met the night” — “in the sky” wasn’t supposed to be there, but oh well.)

“it feels like it should still be that day in seventh grade when i realized you mean the world to me. nothing feels real without you. i forget how to breathe from time to time when you’re next to me, and it helps me to understand that i am alive. how do you make my heart beat so quickly, when i don’t want it to beat at all? // june 8th, 2017”

???

i used watercolor.

cute girl with weirdly long arms + lyrics from ultralife by oh wonder.

 idk what this is. i just slapped some flowers on the page and doodled around them.

in case you can’t tell, i like using song lyrics in my art. when i don’t know what to draw, i’ll put my music on shuffle, pick a lyric i like from the first song that comes on, and base my art off that. it’s a pretty good to way to fend off artist’s block.

xo apollo