i’m not okay (i promise)

i just don’t wanna be

so many things

and now that i see

i just wanna sing

i just wanna breathe

i just wanna fly

i just wanna close m y  e y e s

and take in the sun

and take in the air

i just wanna run

and murder my care

i wanna believe that i will be free  e l s e w h e r e

time to say goodbye // twenty one pilots (cover)


it rained and rained and rained yesterday. i rather like when it rains, though. it means i’m not crying alone.

i’d like to try writing poetry. i keep reading poems online, and they give me such a calm feeling, and it amazes me how even a short poem can stir up so many emotions. i don’t really know how to go about writing poetry, as the only ones i’ve ever written have been along the lines of, “if it can fly, it should die.” any tips would be greatly appreciated. it doesn’t matter how simple you think the tip is. i’m quite clueless and would like all the help i can get.

xo apollo

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sketchbook (3)

flowers from a patch of wildflowers in our garden (i’ll post pictures of that soon), and the lyrics of would you be so kind by dodie. my hand hurt a lot by the time i finished this.

i drew this one right after i heard the song drugs & candy, from all time low’s new album.

lyrics from last young renegade by all time low, plus a weird bullet journal sort of thing.

“alternatives to self-harm: snap a rubber band on your arm. hold an ice cube. draw on yourself. make a playlist. tear up paper. break sticks. paint your arms red. take a hot shower. youtube funny videos. hug a pillow. call a friend. write out the lyrics of a favorite song. play with something squishy. go for a run. google ‘the butterfly project.’ pull weeds. say ‘this feeling will pass.'”

lyrics from kids in the dark by all time low, and a list of alternatives for anyone who needs it. :) (can you tell i really like all time low?)

 

i can’t draw eyes or eyelashes, but . . . i made this thing! it was rather fun! i used lyrics from when the day met the night by panic! at the disco. (although it should have been “all was golden when the day met the night” — “in the sky” wasn’t supposed to be there, but oh well.)

“it feels like it should still be that day in seventh grade when i realized you mean the world to me. nothing feels real without you. i forget how to breathe from time to time when you’re next to me, and it helps me to understand that i am alive. how do you make my heart beat so quickly, when i don’t want it to beat at all? // june 8th, 2017”

???

i used watercolor.

cute girl with weirdly long arms + lyrics from ultralife by oh wonder.

 idk what this is. i just slapped some flowers on the page and doodled around them.

in case you can’t tell, i like using song lyrics in my art. when i don’t know what to draw, i’ll put my music on shuffle, pick a lyric i like from the first song that comes on, and base my art off that. it’s a pretty good to way to fend off artist’s block.

xo apollo

sunshine girl

and she means everything to me

“now close your eyes, and please understand that you are still young, and the universe is endless, and somehow, everything will be ok.” x

« post idea from izzy’s rad blog »

songs in bold are explicit.


girls/girls/boys // panic! at the disco

without you // oh wonder

you and me both // the classic crime

viva indifference // frnkiero andthe cellabration

on the wing // owl city

still breathing // green day

hold on till may // pierce the veil

when // dodie

landslide // oh wonder

my paper heart // the all-american rejects


things i appreciate about my best friend:

she’s the only one who can make me blush. we have the most confusing relationship. are we enemies? siblings? lovers? you’ll never know. holding hands 24/7. ☼ singing love songs to each other. me, silently: she’s so cute and wonderful and i love her smile and her eyes. me, aloud: hey, loser. every time you say something, all i hear is “punch me in the face.” our flirting gets out of hand sometimes. she’s willing to text me all night if i’m not ok. ☼ she’s like a constant beacon of hope and light and optimism. ☼ and she means everything to me.

“friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. it’s about who walked into your life, said, ‘i’m here for you,’ and proved it.”

can we all start showing more affection to our friends? holding hands, kisses on the cheek, cuddling, etc. and sincere i love yous. those things shouldn’t be saved just for a lover. i don’t want my best friends to think for a moment that they don’t mean the world to me.

and in the end, i’d do it all again. i think you’re my best friend. (the kids aren’t alright // fall out boy)

xo apollo

q&a answers | part one

thanks for all the questions on my q&a post! you guys made my boredom go away for a bit. you’re magical, every single one of you.

putting all the questions in one post would have made it insanely long, so i’ll be posting my answers in multiple parts. here’s the first one.


isabel‘s questions:

what’s your favorite book?

i’m not sure if it’s my favorite book, but a year without autumn by liz kessler is incredible. the story has stuck with me for a long time. you should definitely read that if you haven’t already.

 :

what’s your favorite song?

i really can’t choose, i listen to too much music to have a favorite song. i don’t think i could say it’s my absolute favorite, but glowing eyes by twenty one pilots is pretty great.

do you like hamilton? have you even listened to it? (i doubt it.)

i’ve only listened to a few songs from it, so i don’t have much of an opinion (don’t kill me, kathleen! i love you.).

what’s the last book you read?

the hollow boy by jonathan stroud, i believe. it was so freaking amazing, and i love the characters and the ghosts and the humor and everything about it!!

what are you reading right now?

the mysterious benedict society and the perilous journey by trenton lee stewart. i’m only a few chapters in, so i don’t have much to say about it. but the first book in the series was quite good, and i love how quirky the characters are.

what do you want to be when you grow up?

i’d like to be one of those “light” people:

i’m not sure if you can simply will yourself to be like that. maybe it takes a lot of effort and time. or maybe you have to be born like that. but that’s what i hope i will become.

what time is it where you are?

at the moment, it’s 12:58 p.m.

what’s your favorite color?

gray. kind of boring, i know. it seems like such a calm color to me.

do you have a goodreads account?

i don’t, sorry. :/

what’s your favorite kind of popsicle?

orange! the best flavor ever. i don’t like eating actual oranges, though.

what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

there’s this heavenly ice cream that’s chocolate with stripes of peanut butter. it’s the greatest thing i’ve ever tasted, honestly. mint chocolate chip is a close second.

what’s your favorite food?

i really like chinese food. i’ll eat pretty much any chinese food, as long as there’s no seafood in it.

what’s your favorite letter?

i like m, because you can make the rock and roll hand thing with it.

\m/

who’s your favorite keeper of the lost cities character?

i’m going to go with keefe. he’s an empath, kind of angry and confused and lost, uses humor to hide how hurt he is, and he’s incredibly sarcastic, and i relate to that a lot.

(i think we can probably thank emma for introducing the blogging community to kotlc. you are a saint.)

who do you ship with who in keeper of the lost cities?

i’ve always shipped sophie and dex (to those who like sophitz: you disgust me), but sophie and keefe is a nice ship, too.

what’s your favorite emoji?

🤘🏻🌻☀️🌊🌧👽🖤

those are probably my favorites.

what did you just think of right now?

i was thinking about this really cute girl that used to be in my co-op, and wishing that i had been brave enough to become friends with her. *sigh of super regret*

do you like socks?

yes! too much, probably. i always wear them inside out. and i sleep in socks most of the time. i don’t have many cute socks (someone please buy me some of those pretty socks you see on tumblr), though, so i draw on them with sharpies. :)

Image result for pastel rainbow tumblr

what about rainbows?

i’ve never had an unusual love for rainbows, but then i saw an edit with a pastel rainbow. look at how pretty it is!! (◠‿◠✿)

do you still read picture books occasionally? i do.

sometimes, yeah. my favorite one is at my church, it’s called build a burrito, i think. the guys in youth group would beg my brother to read it. he would settle himself into this rocking chair while the guys sat eagerly around his feet. the book is in spanish and english, and every time my brother reached the part that says “three spoonfuls of beans/tres cucharadas de frijoles,” everyone would flip out and shout, “FRIJOLES!!!.” ah, good memories. XD

do you ever write anything besides blog posts?

yep! i like writing fiction. i haven’t been doing that as much as i would like, though. you can read some of my old and cringey stuff by clicking the stories page.

what’s your advice for someone starting a personal blog?

make friends with other bloggers! you won’t get many comments or followers if you’re not interacting with other lovely people in the blogging community. as well as getting more activity on your site, you could make some pretty great friends. :)


den mother‘s questions:

this  might be confusing to people who don’t know me in real life. the people i’m talking about here were in my co-op class. i wrote a bit about them here.

who in our class is most likely to . . .

k/pup:

be a drama queen? cry in a sad movie? have an ugly date to prom? always be happy? be impatient?

1) she makes a big deal out of e v e r y t h i n g, and i actually love it a lot. it’s quite entertaining. 2) we sobbed together in the movie theater during beauty and the beast. 3) i’m not too fond of her sort-of-boyfriend, so he gets to be the ugly prom date. :) 4) she always manages to be optimistic, and it’s made me feel better so many times!! 5) she gets so impatient and excited and it’s  a d o r a b l e.

b/den mother:

have kids first? sing in the shower? fall in love? take more selfies? have the most piercings?

1) she plans on having “at least thirteen kids.” 2) she has a lovely voice! i’m sure she sings to herself everywhere, and definitely in the shower. 3) yiKES. she gets crushes a lot, actually. 4) my girl b posts lots of selfies, and they’re all really pretty. (^.^) 5) a bellybutton piercing would actually look really cool on her. get one, b.

me:

be a flirt? fall whilst walking? drop their phone after they bought it? worry about small things? get a stalker?

1) apollo?? the girl who’s never had a date mate or even kissed someone?? a flirt??? well, kids, you learn something new everyday. i flirt with pup 24/7, and sometimes with other people without meaning to. i don’t actually want to date any of them, it’s just sometimes, when i’m tired and/or high on friendship, i’ll randomly start flirting with everyone. 2) what can i say, i’m a clumsy duckling. 3)i’ve dropped my ipod so so so many times. it’s a miracle i haven’t cracked the screen yet. 4) anxiety is my best friend tbh. 5) i’m sure i have at least one person stalking me and blog. hello, stalker! love you, too. ;)

q/ponytail:

hold their breath the longest? be the best at math? be successful? be close to their parents?

1) he’s the best at everything, so it would make sense. 2) he’s a huge nerd, holy crap. great at math and logic and all that stuff. 3) he’s probably going to be a famous athlete and have a gorgeous wife and tons of dogs (dogs = success.) 4) he’s a mama’s boy and it’s hilarious.

h/hojo:

give all their money to charity? be a fan of star wars? listen to classical music?

1) alright, kiddos, let me tell you about hojo. all the moms at co-op talk about how handsome and polite and smart he is, blah blah blah. he goes to mexico a lot to volunteer at an orphanage, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he gave all his money to it. 2) he’s a nerd and it’s great. he would talk to me about pokemon and the legend of zelda during art class. i’m quite sure that he likes star wars. 3) nerd? favorite among the moms? sideburns? tell me with a straight face that he doesn’t like classical music.

megan:

talk to animals? get married first? be a good cook?

1) megan is a lovely person with lots of cute animal friends!! i’m sure she’ll figure out how to communicate with her bunnies someday. 2) she’s so nice and beautiful and interesting, and i’m sure a kind guy will fall in love with her sooner or later. 3) she’s an incredible baker, holy crap.

j/jish:

ask stupid questions? be hungry 24/7?

1) one time he asked me not to write fanfiction about joward (jish + hojo). how dumb of a question is that?? 2) we got three pizzas on the last day of co-op, and he ate nearly the entire pepperoni one by himself.

t/beef jerkey:

marry a celebrity? be sleepy? forget birthdays or anniversaries? accidentally kill someone?

1) pup is going to be a famous dancer, and he’ll marry her and they’ll be cute and athletic together and it’ll be great. :D 2) i think he might have fallen asleep once or twice during nature study class. what a loser. 3) i think he’s in pup la la land 24/7. he’ll likely forget their wedding anniversary. 4) this guy has huge arm muscles, it’s not fair at all. he could kill someone by hugging them.

t/a huge jerk who doesn’t get a nickname:

laugh at the wrong moment? have a rich husband? spend all their money on something stupid? skydive?

1) he would probably laugh when someone told them their mom had died. he’s mean. 2) i’m not sure he’s capable of loving someone. so he would only marry for money. 3) all of his thoughts are dumb to some degree. anything he would want to buy would have to be dumb, too. 4) he’s so so dumb. he would jump out of a plane without a parachute and create a makeshift one with all of his flannel.


this has been a lot of fun! thank you for the questions, guys, i love how weird some of them are. i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i liked writing it.

what’s the most interesting thing you learned about me from this q&a?

xo apollo

how to make a flower crown

i posted some pictures of my friends with flower crowns about two months ago (read it here), and a lot of you didn’t know how to make them. flower crowns are a gift to this world and you all deserve to learn how to create your own, so here’s a little tutorial. :)

first, of course, you need to pick flowers. the best ones for making flower crowns with are dandelions or clover, because their stems won’t break as easily. most flowers will work, though. i chose california poppies.

start by taking one flower and using your fingernail to make a hole in the stem.

how far up the stem you make the hole will change the appearance of the flower crown. if the holes are near the top,  the blooms will be closer together, making the crown look fuller. but that method uses up more flowers. if they’re near the bottom, the flower crown will look more loose and relaxed. it will look pretty either way, so it’s really up to how you want it to look, and how many flowers you have.

take a second flower and put its stem through the hole in the first flower. make a hole in the stem of the second flower, and thread a third one through it.

keep going until the chain of flowers is long enough to wrap around your head.

for the last flower, choose one with a long stem. add it to the chain, just like you did with all the other ones. then find the first flower you put on and poke another hole in its stem. slip the last flower through the hole, joining the ends of the chain.

move on to the second flower that you added. make another hole in its stem and tuck the stem of the last flower through it. keep going down the chain, weaving the last flower through the other ones, until the stem runs out.

now it’s finished.

wear that flower crown and be the lovely queen that you are. :)


stay strong through your pain
grow flowers from it
you have helped me
grow flowers out of mine so
bloom beautifully
dangerously
loudly
bloom softly
however you need
just bloom

– to the reader

(milk and honey by rupi kaur)


xo apollo

vellichor: the strange wistfulness of used bookstores

please take a long hard look through your textbook, ’cause i’m history.

cave in // owl city

i took these pictures during my trip to pennsylvania, at an enormous store called baldwin’s book barn. there would have been more photos, but the lighting was pretty bad, and most of them turned out blurry. these will have to do.

i haven’t gotten any books out of the library in quite some time, and i feel like my imagination is suffering because of it. there are a few books i would like to read, including the creeping shadow by jonathan stroud, letters to the lost by brigid kemmerer, and harry potter and the goblet of fire by j.k. rowling. but any suggestions would be appreciated, especially if it’s summery or fantasy.

random updates:

– i’ve been drawing a lot lately, so there should be an art post sometime soon.

– my newest music obsession is oh wonder.

– i!! have!! a!! new!! story!! idea!!

– you guys successfully cured my boredom on my q&a post, but now i have to answer 100+ questions.

xo apollo