monarchs + life, i guess (3)

i haven’t posted in over a month and a bunch of stuff has happened since then. so today i’m going to be ranting about my life!

also, i have some pictures of monarch butterflies and mexican sunflowers to share. :)

– this is my first year going to public school, and it’s been really stressful so far. i’ve already missed a lot of school because some days i’ll wake up and just be way too overwhelmed to go to class. i think the hardest part is being around people for so long, especially since up until last week, i was staying at school until around 6:30 everyday because of marching band. but the season’s over now so i’ll have free time again.

but, uh, if anyone has tips for dealing with public school, they would be greatly appreciated.

– it’s only the third month of school and i know of seven or eight people who like/liked me. one asked me to homecoming in august, and two (maybe three) others were planning on doing the same, but didn’t once i said i was going with my best friend kelsie. two are 8th graders in the band who will probably lose feelings for me now that we won’t see each other very often, one is my best friend at school, and the other is a girl who’s friends with my brother. i’m flattered that people like me so much, but it’s kind of a lot to deal with. and i feel really bad about myself because i know i’ve hurt some of them and might screw up our friendships. romance is so messy and i’m not any good at it.


– marching band was the only thing i liked about school, and our final competition was last saturday. the season started off pretty well and then gradually went downhill. the most disappointing part was when we got second place percussion in our class, and then found out that the announcer had made a mistake and we’d actually gotten fourth. (to put it in perspective, there were five bands in our class and one of them didn’t show up.)

i only have classes with one of my band friends, and i’m going to miss everyone a lot. we still have a banquet, a few playoff games, and pep band before the season is completely over, but it’s not the same as practicing outside in the rain before the sun’s risen, spending all day with my friends, and then sleeping in a pile on the bus on the way back home. i can’t wait until next year when i get to join drumline. :)

– musical auditions happened recently. my school’s doing les misérables this year. i sang left behind from spring awakening, and i was so insanely nervous. my brother told me that my face was twitching. everyone said that if you audition for a supporting role and don’t get it, then you’re automatically placed in ensemble, which is what i wanted anyway. but i guess they did something different this time and only a dozen people got ensemble, and i’m not one of them. but my friend who only auditioned because of me got in. i’m totally not mad though. :)

idk, no one is very happy with the cast list, not even the people who got good roles. the only person who’s really ok with it is my brother, who got cast as the innkeeper. i’m honestly really disappointed because the musical was one of the reasons i decided to go to public school, and now i don’t get to be in it. i’ll probably help backstage but it’s really not the same.

– my friend n told me years ago that he was going to write a song for me, and he finally did. i listened to it during lunch yesterday and i just sat there and cried. it’s called i guess i lied and it’s my favorite song right now. it’s about me and our history together and it kind of means the world to me. he’s so talented and i’m really proud of him. :’)

this was a messy post but i really needed to rant. life is too much to handle sometimes.

i’m thinking of posting more poetry soon, if you guys are cool with that. i was very caffeinated last night and ended up staying awake until 3:30. during that time, i cleaned my whole room, did two projects for school, and wrote a couple of poems that i’m actually rather proud of. so just a heads up that you’ll be seeing more poetry soon even though the last post i made was about my poetry, too.

have a good day, everyone. i’m so glad that autumn is here.

xo apollo


Author: apollo

i'm apollo, a poet & hot mess.

18 thoughts on “monarchs + life, i guess (3)”

  1. I missed you! I’m sorry things haven’t been going too well, but I’m glad that you’re back here :) And I would love to see some of your poetry! <3


    1. i got to see a professional performance of les mis a few weeks ago and it was so good, i cried. :’)

      i posted one of my poems the other day!

      xo apollo


  2. I’ve never gone to public school, so i’m sorry I don’t have advise in that area :/ life can be so so messy.
    awe <3 I wish I could hear the song. That’s so sweet. I wish one of my friends would write me a song haha.
    I would love more poetry!!


    1. that’s ok, i’ve gotten some great advice from other people. and the song was ridiculously sweet, it’s so special to me. :)

      xo apollo


  3. HEYYYYY you’re back! 1) those photos are beautemous. 2) I’m so sorry public school is being annoying. Goodness, I understand it would be hard to be around so many people for so long almost every day! I’m glad you have some friends there, though. :) Having never been to public school, I guess I don’t really have any advice, but… I’m praying! <3
    P. S. OF COURSE, poetry. nods


    1. i am!! 1) thank you so much, i kind of love them 2) oof yeah, it’s such a huge change from being home and by myself all day. thanks for the prayers, they are much appreciated. :)

      xo apollo


  4. Hey, school gets better. You’ll get used to being around a bunch of people. Make sure you take time to just be alone and unwind from the school day. That might help the people feeling parts. About the romance stuff, yes things might be weird between you and the other people but that’s okay. Everyone right now is trying to figure out who they are in life and all that Jazz.
    Being overwhelmed is normal, especially in high school. I went to public school all my life and high school was still very stressful for me. You can do this.
    Let me know if you need to talk to anyone, I love looking at your photography.


    1. yeah, i’m sure i’ll adjust eventually, it’s just kind of difficult right now. and now that marching band is over i do have more time to be alone at the end of the day and that’s definitely helping me be less stressed.

      thank you for the encouragement and i’m glad you like the photos. :)

      xo apollo


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